Mrs J’s cats are lovely animals. Yes, Mr J’s leg did bleed tonight. But that’s never happened before. Honestly.

It’s all because they got hold of this one toy. Mrs J doesn’t know why. But this one toy is like spinach to Popeye for these cats.

And now you all thought you’d see a picture of this (in)famous toy. But that wouldn’t be kitty-like. No siree. You have to wait for it. Work for it. You first have to find out…

Top five things your cats will ignore

1. Toys explicitly made for cats that cost money*

*Agreed, even if she were a cat, Mrs J wouldn’t chase this particular toy either.

2. Things that look like mice to humans.

We’re cats. We know better. Also, it’s an unhealthy yellow colour.

3. Drugs.

We’re not buying that.

4. Things with bells. (Mice-like or not)

5. Caged prey.

Really, human?

And then you’ll find out…

Top five things your cats will love to hunt (like it or not)

1. Wine corks.

Presumably because they’re cheap. … and therefore humans who bought expensive toys that remain ignored are annoyed by you playing with them.

Tee-hee.

2. Keys.

Now if we only had opposable thumbs …

3. Mail.

You’ll shred it anyway. We’re just trying to help.

4. Electrical cords. Anything dangerous and electrical, really.

We like danger.

5. Remote controls. Especially if made of metal.

Why? Kitty doesn’t kiss and tell.

And finally, here’s the anti-kryptonite.

Mrs J is stumped.

Mr J is stumped.

No idea why.

We just know it spells mayhem.