Sometimes crap is just crap. However much you gild it. Or put a bow on it.

Who would do that, really?

Well.

It’s important to recognize that crap exists if you want to be real and true to yourself. But it’s just as important not to dwell on it. As the wise man said (whoever he was) regrets are for dinner parties.

Mrs J’s standard answer to crap is to bake, cook or (unfortunately) attempt to be witty about it.

Hey, some people made paintings out of existential pain and sold them for lots of money. Mrs J’s jokes are for free! You don’t think she’s funny? At least there’s cake!

Also, Mrs J learned that letting your hair stand on end while life sucks for a few minutes and then moving on (as opposed to pretending that whatever it is isn’t disappointing, scary or hurtful) is a fairly successful strategy that usually leaves you feeling good about yourself for 99% of your day.

Most of us want the truth. Some of us even ask for it. Sometimes we wish we hadn’t. That being said, here are Mrs J’s top five things that most of us really don’t need to know.

1. How close you’ve been to winning 60 million Euros. Don’t ever check the numbers on a ticket you didn’t submit.

2. That your neighbour congratulated your husband on your pregnancy. Except you’re not pregnant.

3. What’s really in your favourite sausage. You know, the kind you’ve been enjoying for years.

4. That your boiler is, and always has been, an uninsured, possibly unfixable, gas-guzzling time-bomb. We’ll call you. Good luck sleeping tonight.

5. The average life expectancy in your demographic bracket.

Yep, Mrs J thinks it’s definitely time for cake.