Being Scando, you might assume that Mrs J has been to the North Pole as a matter of course. That she was taught how to tame polar bears in middle school. That making igloos is second nature.

Afraid she must disappoint.

Today, the furthest North she’s been (except in an airplane) is somewhere in southern Iceland. And despite the name, Iceland isn’t actually that far North, compared to northern Scando.

Mrs J hasn’t even touched northern Scando, ever.

Mrs J’s maternal grandfather (bless his heart) was one of the more food-loving and food-driven of her grandparents. Mrs J remembers fresh fish (following child labour lots of stinky fun sorting out tangled nets), waffles on (cold!) waffle-day, cherries off the big tree at the end of July (saving the low branch for Mrs J and her sister) and baked goods any time of the day, month or year.

Also, one of Mrs J’s most northern memories is going to a fair with her maternal grandparents to sell (questionable) fishing equipment. (This was one of her grandfather’s hobbies/jobs as a retiree.)

After a good day of child labour having fun in the booth her grandparents would buy some fresh hot smoked fish from a street vendor outside the fair.

It was just so, so, so good that the memory stayed with her.

Why are we talking about this? Prologue, y’all. Because today Mrs J decided to take her new German Cooking System out for a spin. Home-made hot-smoked salmon, chapter one, here we go.

Hidden in the mist here is equal parts rice, cane sugar and tea all sitting in a wonderful nest of triple aluminum foil.

On top of the rack Mrs J has two portions of salmon filet.

They’re in there somewhere. Seriously.

Basically what you do is just mix the smoking ingredients and sit them in the foil nest, turn on the heat to medium and wait for the first wisp of smoke. Then set the tray of salmon over the smoking package (not touching) and leave for 12-15 minutes on medium-low heat. Take off the heat and let rest for another 5-10 minutes (checking that the fish is flaky/glassy smoked perfection in the middle).

You should also close all doors to the kitchen and open all windows in it. And put on a gas mask while you’re at it. Because whatever cooking system you have, it’s guaranteed to stink up your cooking area.

At the end your salmon should look like this.

Some boiled salted potatoes and a cold sauce of sour cream, pickles, capers and dill accompanied Mrs J’s salmon today. Smokin’!

P.S. There used to be a smoking shed at the end of the property where Mrs J grew up, but if anything was ever smoked in it during her lifetime she’s not aware of it. As far as she can remember, it was mainly used by wasps. So this was truly her first home-smoking experience.

P.P.S. Also, now she knows just why the smoking shed is always at the bottom end of the property.